Julian JP Lee

Dear friends,

Power, like money & oil, is strange. On the surface, it seems that the more power one accumulates, the better off one might be. Whether one uses that power to advocate for causes that one believes in or uses that power to further one’s career, my sense is that people tend to think that the more powerful (or capable) they are, the better.

I believed this deeply as well.

Having read Antifragile and Skin in the Game by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, I felt very excited and enthusiastic with becoming a strong and highly-skillful person.

I felt like I had found a secret recipe that would allow me to become strong (really, really strong) without losing my moral integrity and dirtying my conscience.

And this was true. I was able to grow in spiritual, mental and inter-relational strength (social influence) while also maintaining a clean conscience.

Yet, for some reason, today when I listened to my soul, I felt a restless fearfulness in me. Later, walking in the park near my house, I prayed, asking God what I lacked: What did I need to gain to find peace?

God, in their deep wisdom, told me to ask the inverse question instead: Julian, do not ask what you need to gain. Instead, ask what you need to let go of.

And so I did. God, what do I need to let go of?

The answer came back, simple and resonant: Let go of power. Let go of pride.

Hearing this, I felt 2 movements within me that usually come together.

I felt fear. I didn’t want to give up my power! I liked being strong!

& I felt peace. Deep down within me, I knew God was right.

Half in bitterness and half in fidelity, I pictured myself holding all my power in my hands – my social influence, my intelligence, my wisdom and my strength. In my mind’s eye, I looked like I was holding a large orb of pure potential energy. Then, I handed it all over to God.

Handing it to God, I felt so much lighter, like a heavy load had been lifted off my spirit.

And I felt peace.

Looking back on this now, I can’t help wondering why I felt so much peace (so deeply) when I gave up my power.

Wasn’t it better, in general, to be more powerful & influential, especially if I considered myself good?

But if that were true, why did I feel so much more at ease with myself and the world when I gave it all up, and let God decide where they wanted to pass it on to?

Honestly, looking back at it now, I feel that power tends to cloud one’s mind and heart.

I am reminded of how I treat my friends differently depending on how powerful I feel. When life is good and I feel strong, I tend to not reply to friends as quickly. However, when I feel defeated by life, knocked down on my knees, I suddenly realise how precious kindness really is. My friends suddenly seem like angels sent from heaven to rescue me… Secretly, I wonder to myself if I would rush to help them so willingly in return on my days of strength and ease.

I have no doubt that power is important. I know that I need at least some power to go through life, get quality work done and improve my life and the lives of all on Earth.

That being said, perhaps I am better off not trying to gain any more power than I need to.

Dear one, let me leave you with an image that came to me as I walked through the park earlier this evening:

To the powerful, a tree is something to be climbed; To the powerless, a tree is life – shelter, sustenance and security.

I wonder which of these people sees more clearly and lives more truly?

Love,

Julian